Zari L. Ballards Blog: The Narcissistic PersonalityA website/blog to complement my Kindle book When Love Is a Lie. This site has plenty of information about pathological narcissism and how to recover...ideas that will change your perspective not only about the narcissist and what he/she CANT give you, but also about whether the next person coming into your life is love worthy as well...
Married to a Narcissist - Endless Waking Nightmare
My Husband is a Narcissist
The most commonly read posts on this entire blog in the last seven years have been those that addressed toxic relationships with malignant narcissists. A friend has chosen for the first time to share her story anonymously. The account speaks for itself, and her purpose in sharing it was clearly stated to me. Everyone reading this needs to understand this point. When those they harm speak out, they have the advantage of a public image at complete odds with who they really are. Their targets are then twice victimized, because those who should stand with them stead join the perpetrator in scapegoating the one in pain. Here is her story.
Of course they are—they lack empathy and are busy building up themselves to be more important than they are. Can someone so self-absorbed ever bring the tenderness, thoughtfulness and admiration that every wife craves and deserves? Your narcissist can and will bring the tenderness when you do this for a month: Click To Tweet. Plus you have your own experience of reading the list of symptoms and nodding so hard your head nearly fell off. I still remember the immense validation and relief I felt from finding out the diagnosis for my husband that I felt explained all of our relationship challenges. Why should I bother thinking about how I might be contributing to our problems? He was the one with the disorder, I figured.
I was recently asked by a concerned reader how to help a friend that she was sure was married to a narcissist. Unfortunately, she probably will not like my answer because it is not a quick fix. These matters are extremely delicate, as the victim in a narcissistic relationship has been brainwashed into believing that they somehow deserve the bad treatment. They believe that everything the narcissist does or says is actually their fault. They believe it is the best they can expect.
My Husband is a Narcissist
If you are planning to marry a narcissist, here is a list of things to expect in your relationship. Realize that you will be marrying a person who is incapable of having a healthy, intimate, interpersonal relationship because narcissism is a characterological disorder.
When I first met my husband, when he had just started medical school at a large university, I thought he was just insecure. I believed that he would grow out of his need to be the center of attention, receive constant validation, and appear correct and knowledgeable about everything. I believed he would become surer of himself and would develop the capacity to listen, love, and be empathetic. I humored him by listening to him talk, I tried to help boost his self-esteem by giving him compliments and asking him questions I already knew the answer to, and I expressed pride in his accomplishments. His lack of empathy was a concern, but he told me that this is how people in his culture are, and I believed him. I convinced myself that he would get to a place in his life where he would have space for me. I continued to love and support him despite how he treated me.